The Weepy Willow

Okay married women, I need some help and advice. I never thought I'd be this girl, but the past few days have brought me to many tears, many heart flutters and much stress, feeling completely overwhelmed...like I'm drowning or like all four walls are caving in on me.

Kay, it's like this. I think it's been hitting me that my life is about to change completely and in every area and this is a really scary thing for me. Fact is, Cyndy Bartel SUCKS at change, whether it's good or bad - in this case it's obviously a good change. My parents laugh when they remember many moons ago (I must have been about 6 or 7) when they bought me a new dresser for my room. I cried and cried because I didn't want to part with the one I already had - it was familiar...comfortable. Now, multiply that by 1000 percent and that's how I've been feeling the last few days. It's such a mix. I'm ecstatic beyond belief about getting married, being a wife, living with Warren, etc. It's just all so HUGE to me when I'm standing at the beginning of it all. SO out of my comfort zone. Yesterday we packed up all of our stuff and my room and moved most of it to our new appartment. I cried myself silly (in secret) packing up my room...my life...everything that I've known. Am I insane??? Have any of you girls felt like this when you were going through all of the big stuff days before you headed for the altar??

I guess I want to ask for your prayers too. I don't want these emotions to cloud my next few days and mask what this really is. This is such a fun and exciting time and I am head over heels in love with Warren. I pray that I'll be able to keep it all in perspective and enjoy it all, soaking it all in. Hit me back, if you have any advice.

The Deep End of the Ocean

I've been feeling really deep and contemplative lately. Lots of tears, laughs and reminiscing has been taking place in the quiet of my heart and the secrecy of my bedroom. There's lots on my mind these days and my heart is overflowing (as you can well imagine). I just got the new Carrie Underwood album (which is amazing, by the way) and I was listening to the song, Jesus Take The Wheel, and I suddenly felt my eyes well up with tears and an awfully big lump in my throat. I've realized that God and me haven't been as strong as we used to be. That area of my life has been strange since my mom's cancer. The world's a funny place. I've slacked and let myself drift. It's not that I'm angry or frustrated with Him, it's just that I can get so consumed by my life, my own desires and my to do lists that I literally forget to include God in my day. I only remember or make a point to talk with God when I'm at a crossroads or need a hand. I used to take Him everywhere with me - I'd talk out loud in the car to Him - laugh and cry, tell Him about my day. It was a warm place. Secure.

But I realize that when we've lost God....it's not God who is lost. He never changes. He stays the same. It's always me. Me, me, me. When I close myself off and block my heart, I'm hurting everyone around me and most importantly, God. I'm working on getting back to the place where we (God and I) used to be. It's a rough road, but I'm trying. Another wake up call. Another point of realization. It never ends.