The Deep End of the Ocean

I've been feeling really deep and contemplative lately. Lots of tears, laughs and reminiscing has been taking place in the quiet of my heart and the secrecy of my bedroom. There's lots on my mind these days and my heart is overflowing (as you can well imagine). I just got the new Carrie Underwood album (which is amazing, by the way) and I was listening to the song, Jesus Take The Wheel, and I suddenly felt my eyes well up with tears and an awfully big lump in my throat. I've realized that God and me haven't been as strong as we used to be. That area of my life has been strange since my mom's cancer. The world's a funny place. I've slacked and let myself drift. It's not that I'm angry or frustrated with Him, it's just that I can get so consumed by my life, my own desires and my to do lists that I literally forget to include God in my day. I only remember or make a point to talk with God when I'm at a crossroads or need a hand. I used to take Him everywhere with me - I'd talk out loud in the car to Him - laugh and cry, tell Him about my day. It was a warm place. Secure.

But I realize that when we've lost God....it's not God who is lost. He never changes. He stays the same. It's always me. Me, me, me. When I close myself off and block my heart, I'm hurting everyone around me and most importantly, God. I'm working on getting back to the place where we (God and I) used to be. It's a rough road, but I'm trying. Another wake up call. Another point of realization. It never ends.